The Reality of Addiction and Family Alienation Highlighted in Times-Call Advice Column

The December 7 edition of the Longmont, Colorado, newspaper Times-Call advice column “Asking Eric” featured a poignant question from a man in recovery concerned about reconciling with family members. An anonymous questioner describes himself as a man forty years of age in recovery for six years following a severe substance use disorder. He discusses being disowned by his family members while experiencing active addiction, and yearns to restore relationships with his parents and siblings. The author also describes himself as “putting up a facade” of indifference toward his wife and son, who also have no contact with his family.

This advice column entry highlights a painful and often overlooked reality for many people experiencing addiction or in recovery. Living with addiction can cause serious and seemingly irreparable harm to family relationships, risking estrangement and separation, which can create significant grief, loss, and trauma. The lifestyle of addiction and actions taken while experiencing the effects of the disease or to satisfy the insatiable need for substances can result in families deciding to sever relations with their affected loved one. Oftentimes, families disown relatives after becoming frustrated with repeated failed attempts to help them get treatment. Other times, families make decisions to cut off relatives for safety reasons. Yet in other cases, counselors or interventionists advise families to cut ties unless their loved ones agree to get help.

As illustrated by the person seeking advice in the newspaper column, rifts within families can persist long after a loved one is in recovery, or are never restored, and can cause significant suffering for many family members.

The story of this author highlights the crucial role of family systems in addictive disorders and the importance of involving families in the treatment process. Many families do not understand the disease of addiction, how to identify its symptoms, or what outcomes to expect during the treatment and recovery process. And in many cases, various aspects of family life may contribute to or perpetuate addictive disorders, such as undiagnosed mental illnesses, grief and loss, shame and guilt, and neglect and abuse. These issues, left unresolved, can lead to family members developing mental health disorders and problematic substance use as a coping mechanism.

When treatment includes a robust family program, loved ones can gain insights that help them create healthy boundaries while maintaining relationships and supporting recovery at home. It can also help families identify potentially long-standing problems that can be addressed to relieve discomfort, rekindle openness, and avoid the anguish of deciding to discontinue relationships with loved ones.

NRT treatment programs, including Foundry Front Range in Broomfield and Foundry Steamboat in Steamboat Springs, integrate specialized family programming from the Michael Barnes Family Institute. This program acknowledges the importance of helping family members understand the disease of addiction and the role of underlying problems in the family system. It provides education and coaching to make positive changes. Through this program, private practice family therapists, or other family support services, change and reconciliation are possible. Families learn to conceptualize the problems faced by loved ones and themselves differently, relate with one another more productively, develop empathy and compassion for one another, and can develop healthier family system function. It is possible for families affected by addiction and with loved ones in recovery to preserve and restore familial relationships with the right help.

Please get in touch with us at (720) 807-7867 to speak confidentially with an informed team member.

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